This Little Piggie...

Once upon a time, a famous pig farmer brought his prize boar to market.

It wasn't to be sold for slaughter.
It was a breeding pig, designed to grow and make more pigs just like it.
But this pig, it was told, would be a pig so enormous, so massive, it would change the face of pork production forever.

So this famous pig farmer...let's call him Farmer Obama...wanted to sell his giant pig to the valley pig farmers.
But he didn't show them what he was selling.
So, he hid his pig in a crate of words.
And stood at the auction block describing it in wonderous tones.
Telling everyone how marvelous, magical and down-right heavenly his pig was.

But something happened while Farmer Obama was trying to sell his pig.
Someone opened the crate of words.
And other people got a peek inside.
Then the pig waddled out for all to see.

There was a collective gasp as the valley inhabitants witnessed this breeding monstrosity.

They saw a beast too massive to hold its own weight.
They saw a horror of genetic manipulation from a thousand overblown breeds.
They saw destruction of the natural order of farming if this mutation were allowed to live.
They saw sickness and death spread with its progeny.
They saw a creature of unending hunger that would devastate their crops and pastures.

...and they shouted for Farmer Obama to stop!
They could not bear to have such a frightful creature breed. It would destroy them all.

But Farmer Obama only told them to put a cork in it.
And quickly got his pig handlers to usher the beast back into its crate.

But his dismissive words and shifty pig handlers only attracted more horrified farmers.
They filed into the market stall to see what all the fuss was about.

Sheep farmers, goat farmers, chicken farmers and crop farmers.
After one glimpse of the beast, they too, took up the cry of their fellow farmers.
"Kill the Pig!"
The entire valley spread the word, frightened at the thought of this monster breeding throughout their land.

And Farmer Obama grew petulant.
He became angry.
Like a man in love, he could only see the beauty in his beast.

He accused the pig farmers of organizing a mob.
He railed against the sheep farmers for telling lies about his pig.
He ranted at the goat farmers for shouting at him on the auction block and hurting his feelings.
He pointed at the chicken farmers and threatened to send his hired hands to their farms for some fried chicken.
And promised the crop farmers he would buy all their crops forever at inflated prices if they went along with him.

But the farmers planted their pitchforks in the ground and said no.
They wanted that pig bled.
They wanted it slaughtered.
They wanted is cut up and eaten with a side of applesauce.
And they never want to see such a beast again.

So Farmer Obama covered up his pig in a larger crate of words.
And sent out his pig handlers to convince the crowds they did not see what they thought they saw.

But the farmers were too smart for Farmer Obama's pig handlers.
They know if someone is trying to sell them a pig they've never seen...there's a con in the works.

But Farmer Obama hasn't given up.
He loves his pig. He pets it, feeds it, watches it grow with pride. It is his legacy, his gift to a wayward and tired old farming valley with no new ideas.

Now in these last days of August, and the first cold snap around the corner, what will become of Farmer Obama's fantastical pig?
He can't afford to keep it anymore...it will starve in the long cold winter.

His pig handlers are running for their lives as the people of the valley rise against them with pitchforks and branding irons.

They are pleading with Farmer Obama to let the pig go to slaughter.
"Raise another breed!" they cry.
They do not want to be branded or find themselves sitting on a pitchfork.
But if they don't sell Farmer Obama's monstrous pig, he will make sure they never work in his pastures again.
And Farmer Obama has the best pastures in the valley.
They are lush with promise and good times for all.
They have been cultivated by others for many generations.
Farmer Obama and his pig handlers are plundering them.
And there's many years of harvest left.
...what's a pig handler to do?

Oh! Oh! They wail.
It is the evil pig farmers of the valley who are keeping this wondrous pig from the people who need it so badly.
They are just afraid of competition.
This is a pig to beat all pigs and they don't want their fellow farmers to benefit!

But the people aren't buying it.

In one last ditch effort, Farmer Obama sat down with a once respected pig farmer, turned pig handler, and tried to do some 'splainin.

Joseph Curl from The Washington Times wrote today,
Quoting Obama:
"There's something about August going into September where everybody in Washington gets all wee-wee'd up," the world's most powerful man observed. "I don't know what it is, but that's what happens."

http://www.washtimes.com/news/2009/aug/21/flustered-obama-a-wee-bit-touchy-during-the-dog-da/?feat=home_headlines

Did Obama really say "wee-wee'd up"?

Another Obama quote:
"I know there are a lot of people out there who've been hand-wringing, and folks in the press are following every little twist and turn of the legislative process, but having a big bill like this is always messy," he said.
"And it promises to get a wee bit messier. "

Yes, an enormous pig is very messy.

"As far as negotiations with Republicans, my attitude has always been, Let's see if we can get this done with some consensus," he said, seemingly unaware that the Republicans appear to be just a wee bit wee-wee'd off at him."

Well, uh...calling Americans mobs and nazis when they are scared out of their minds at the sight of such a monster, will have that effect.

"Still, the president urged his faithful to work hard for his health care proposal. "We are not going give up now! We are not going to give up now!" the president said as his supporters chanted "Yes we can!"

"And some may just get wee-wee'd on. "

Indeed. Wee-wee-wee, all the way home.

redink

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