Hi. My name is America.

Hi everyone. I'm America.

(Hello, America. Welcome to Al Anon.)

Thank you for letting me share.

First I just want to say, that I never thought I'd find myself in this position--reaching out for help like this. But I'm suffering right now and have no where else to turn.

When I first met my husband, I had no idea things would turn out this way.

I met him in the Church of Communism...a friend talked me in to going one day, just to broaden my horizons, he said.

I didn't really want to. I'd always heard the Church of Communism hated people like me, but the day that I went, I met this man...I know we have to keep things anonymous here, so I'll just refer to him as "Mr. O"...

Well, Mr. O immediately came up to me, welcomed me warmly and told me how much I needed someone like him in my life.

It felt kind of nice to be wanted so badly. I'd been through a lot these last few years, and I was a little insecure. Mr. O was so full of charisma and smiles and he kept telling me to have hope, that he could change all that had gone wrong in my life.

Little did I realize what he meant by hope and change.

We were married last November and he took charge right away.

At first it felt good to have someone be so completely involved in my life, but I began notice some things that started to give me second thoughts right after the wedding.

I had gotten into debt...not too terribly, mind you and I was working hard to pay it off.

I still had a nest egg for retirement, I still had a job, I still owned my own home, I was always a pretty independent person.

But my new husband decided to take my nest egg and give it to the people in my neighborhood who were losing their homes.

Mr. O insisted the money would stabilize the neighborhood, providing greater protections for me and my kids.

I believed him.

But it didn't work out like he said.

Everyone took the money...some of them weren't even from my neighborhood!

And then they left their homes anyway.

It went down hill from there.

Mr. O told me to give him my paycheck so he could spread it around, then everyone would love me and become more productive.

I tried to tell him I was struggling as it was and barely had enough for my own kids.

I didn't understand how anyone could become productive by just giving them someone else's money.

But he told me I should be ashamed for only thinking about what I wanted.

He told me I had the chance to make a great moral statement about myself and show the world what it really means to be generous.

I couldn't help it, friends...Mr. O has such a way with words.

I gave him my paycheck.

But he turned around and gave most of it to a bunch of crooks who made off with the money, never to be seen or heard from again.

Then he gave the rest to a street gang from the worst side of town and they used my money to recruit more people to stir up trouble so I wouldn't go asking for my money back!

I started to get angry, but he called me childish and said I wasn't giving him a chance to change things around.

That I wanted a quick fix for the things I messed up before I met him and it wasn't going to be easy.

I had to learn how to sacrifice for the good of others.

It all sounded so familiar...I didn't realize at the time that I'd heard these very words in the church I had met him in.

Then Mr. O told me to give up my car because it was polluting the environment and wasting resources.

I did as he asked and lost my job when I couldn't get to work.

He also made me turn off the heater right in the middle of winter! He told me I should get some extra blankets, but I had no money to get any.

Mr. O went out with his friends all the time, flying around the world, enjoying five star hotels and restaurants, while I stayed home with the kids trying to keep warm and fed.

I went into denial. I didn't want to admit what was right in front of my eyes.

...that Mr. O is a Communist.

He is throwing my money away and destroying my freedom.

He is telling me I have no right to defend myself and that I am no better than anyone else in the world.

And still I stayed with him, defending him to my friends and neighbors who became concerned that I would lose everything.

But if losing my job and all my money wasn't enough, Mr. O had to go around insulting my friends.

They were the only ones there for me when I got attacked a few years ago by a another street gang. They didn't usually come to my neighborhood, but somehow they snuck in and beat me to a pulp!

I survived only because I was strong at the time.

I was still independent and surrounded by friends who saw this gang as a threat and helped me fight them back to their own street corner.

But now my husband has alienated all my friends, ignoring them, making fun of them.

Not only that, but he took away our guard dogs...even the ones I had already given to my friends.

He put those dogs in the pound where they are wasting away...and he muzzled the rest so they are sitting ducks in case the gangs come back to harm us.

To make matters worse, Mr. O actually went to visit the gang that hurt me and apologized for my behavior and that of my friends.

Now I feel like it's my fault this gang attacked me!

Can you believe it?! I feel so betrayed.

I know...I know, this is classic co-dependency, right?

And we all know that being co-dependent means always having to say you're sorry.

I have such regret now.

I've been married to Mr. O for less than a year, but I don't know if I'll survive till the end of this marriage.

He's so controlling, but persuasive at the same time.

He still has charisma, but the rest of my friends are starting to see how battered and ashamed I look and they're questioning whether this marriage is worth saving.

I have to do every thing he says all the time. He doesn't allow me to disagree with anything he says.

I've tried reasoning with him, compromising with him and even shouting till I'm blue in the face. But it's always his way or the highway.

He belittles me all the time and tells me I don't know what I want...as if I were a child!

I'm 233 years old, for cryin' out loud!

I fought a war to become my own person, fought another with myself to root out a terrible sin in my life, fought two world wars to help my friends and keep us all from becoming slaves, tried to fight two other wars, but my husbands then were not in the mood to win, so I took a beating.

I guess at some point, I lost my nerve and felt too much like a victim.

I wanted everyone to like me so much, that I gave up my freedom and who I really am to please my husband.

Mr. O made such promises and I believed everyone of them.

But now...I'm here, trying to cope with what I've become.

Realizing that all his words were just fancy dressing covering up his own ego.

When did this relationship become so abusive?

I realize too late, that my husband never really liked me...he was taught in the Church of Communism after all.

Hello?? I guess that should have been my first clue.

And he didn't want any children...he had a record of counseling women in the church to abort their babies. But at the time, I really believed he was helping them like he said.

Now I know he didn't care about them, he just wanted to be the one who made decisions about life and death.

I guess Mr. O thinks he's kinda like God that way.

And everything is always about him...never about me, or what's good for me.

He gets to buy whatever he wants and go out whenever he feels like it.

But I have to stay home and work my fingers to the bone, I've even spent a weekend on the street corner trying to panhandle....so much for independence.

I don't feel like celebrating holidays anymore. Mr. O keeps turning them into a party for himself.

I can't call up my friends and hang out with them, because Mr. O doesn't make them feel welcome anymore.

I'm afraid to travel, even if I could afford to. That street gang is just waiting for me to step into their territory.

I don't have a future, and Mr. O won't let me talk about the past unless I admit I screwed my life up before I met him, and now he's here to fix it all.

Lots of people think he's a wonderful man still, but they don't really know what he's like at home.

He pastes on his smile for the world, but at home he is trying to put me in a box.

I want out now.

I want a divorce.

So I came to Al Anon today to get my thinking straight.

I know you have a saying called stinkin' thinkin' and I believe I fit the bill.

But I need to take the first step...right?

I know the first step is to admit I'm powerless over Communism and that my life has become unmanageable.

...I tried so hard to make myself believe it could work this time. I know now, it was all an illusion.

Step two is to realize that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.

...I used to think that power was Mr. O. But he's definitely not restoring my sanity. So I better take a closer look at who's really in charge.

The third step is to turn over my will to the care of God.

...Ah! I thought it was someone other than Mr. O. Now things are starting to make sense.

The fourth step is to make a searching an fearless moral inventory of myself.

...wow! that's a hard one, but I can't get away from men like Mr. O if I don't.

The fifth step is admit to God, myself and others the exact nature of my wrongs.

...see, I always thought Mr. O knew all my wrongs and was trying to right them...when in fact he'd gotten my wrongs--wrong! The only thing I did wrong was hand over my liberty to such a man. He won't even let me think for myself anymore.

The sixth step is make myself entirely ready for God to remove this defect in my character.

...this is going to take a lot more humility than I thought. But really, what do I have to lose now? Mr. O has already humiliated me more than anyone else could ever do...including myself.

The seventh-ninth steps are to make a list of persons I have harmed and make amends when and where I can.

...I'm sooo, sorry Eastern Europe! I'll get those missle defense shields up and running as soon as I unload this worthless husband. I'm sorry, also, Israel. Of course you have the right to defend yourself! Just because Mr. O is a kiss-butt to your enemies doesn't mean I go along with it. Hey! If you need a hand...I'm still here. My hands are just kinda tied right now. And the rest of my old friends...don't worry. Just ride this out with me for a few more years. I'm working on real change.

The tenth step is to continue to take a personal inventory and when I'm wrong, promptly admit it.

...I'm going to keep a closer eye on things now. There's just too much at stake not to anymore.

The eleventh step is basically a recap of the the first three

...go to God with the big stuff and pray for guidance. He's the one really in charge after all.

The twelfth step is for me to share as I am doing today, a lesson learned the hard way. And to give my encouragement to others that all is not lost.

...Mr. O is doing me a lot of damage, yes, but having admitted I had a problem is giving me enough detachment to do something about it.

And realizing that God is bigger than Mr. O's mistakes, gives me just the hope I need.

Thank you for letting me share today.

(Thank you for sharing, America.)

Let us end our meeting with the Serenity Prayer:

"God, grant us the serenity

To accept the things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can,

And the wisdom to know the difference."

Keep coming back...it works if you work it!.

redink

http://www.choices-nyc.com/images/product/s_Books_Paths_to_Recovery_28.jpg